we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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