i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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