a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
