My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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