I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
