hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
