Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
