I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
