GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
