Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
