I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
