Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
