yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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