not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
