I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
