My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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