i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
