You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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