I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
