nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
