12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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