there's paper in my vomit.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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