I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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