9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
