I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
