i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
