dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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