omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
