Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
