Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
