Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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