FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
