I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she smelled like a LAN party
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
