One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
