What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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