found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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