I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
