Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
