I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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