I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
