I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
