my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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