call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think I have vodka in my lungs
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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