I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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