you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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