worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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