every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
