i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
