Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
