So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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