i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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