So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
