youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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