I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
