Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
