I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
