my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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