My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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