Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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