He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my poor anus
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
