Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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