All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
