I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
