the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
