So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
