He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
