Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
