Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize