T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
