Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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