i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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