I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
