I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
